


half a man, at best

by sergeantfuckybarnes



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Commentary, Eddie and Stan are still dead, Gay Richie Tozier, Movie: IT Chapter Two (2019), Pining, Pining Richie Tozier, Post-IT Chapter Two (2019), richie is sad and gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:47:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22233526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sergeantfuckybarnes/pseuds/sergeantfuckybarnes
Summary: Richie's inner monologue in response to Eddie's death.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	half a man, at best

Richie knew as soon as he ran back to the other man’s side that he was dead. He sat with an iron weight in his heart as destruction and chaos ensued all around him. He faintly heard the others screaming at him to leave Eddie's body because there was no saving him. How dare they say such things? How could they just leave one of their own like that? Stan was already dead, now Eddie, his precious Eddie. They just wanted to leave his body as everything collapsed onto him. He couldn’t leave Eddie all alone. He would have hated the dirt and debris falling all around him. Mike and Bill had to physically tear him away from the other man, or he would die too. Honestly, that would have been a better alternative than anything else. To die alongside his one true love was miles better than living on without him. Tears blurred his vision as the Losers dragged him out of the collapsing chasm.

He held his glasses in his hands. He could see the blurred shape of his childhood friends wading around and washing the blood and dirt off their skin. Unlike the rest of the group, he felt no kind of relief or happiness at the fact that they made it out alive. Richie felt as if part of him was left under that house. He took off his glasses to wipe the tears in his eyes. He could just drop them now and it wouldn't even matter. Richie did not want to see a world without Eddie Kaspbrak in it. It was strange, he hadn’t so much as seen the other man in twenty-seven whole years, but as soon as they fell back into their old routine of childish pokes and jabs, he couldn’t imagine leaving him again. Seeing Eddie and the other Losers made him realize what he had been missing his whole life. These people accepted him for who he was. Nobody in the room would judge him for being fucked up because they were all just as fucked up as he was. Shared childhood trauma can do that to people.

When Mike forced them to go back and find their tokens, all the memories of Derry came back. All his old harbored feelings came back with them. He remembered hiding his feelings behind a mask of humor and insults. He remembered the boys at the arcade always leaving him because they sensed something was weird about him. He remembered the nightmares he had when Bill punched him in the face. He remembered carving his and Eddie’s initials onto the bridge. He mostly remembered loving Eddie. His childhood love, and the only person he could remember loving in that way. He only prodded Eddie so much because he wanted the other boy’s attention. So many times, he thought Eddie might have been doing the same thing. Richie never had the balls to do anything about it. He couldn’t bear losing his best friend.

And now, one of his biggest fears has come true. He was here and Eddie was gone, buried under the Neibolt house with the remains of the Eater of Worlds. Eddie didn’t belong there. He belonged up here, with Richie and the other Losers. But he wasn’t. And the others weren’t even the least bit concerned.

Richie let out a loud sob that drew the attention of the remaining members of the Losers Club. They said nothing, just gathered around him and hugged him. He began to cry even harder and let go of his frames. He let go of Eddie. He let go of Stan. He let go of the nightmares and the fear. He let out a final painful cry. He did not let go of the good memories. He did not let go of the Losers- his friends. As he calmed down, his friends retreated. He couldn’t see any of them, and they dove under the water to look for his glasses. Ben and Beverly went back to being engulfed in their own little bubble, Bill and Mike conversed and left Richie alone. 

The more time he spent with Mike, Ben, Beverly, and Bill, the less he actually felt as alone as he did all these years. He might have already lost Stan and Eddie, but he would do anything in his power to not lose them too.

**Author's Note:**

> This was just a free writing exercise for my creative writing class that I decided was worthy of posting. Also to make myself feel better about not posting anything in a while oops.
> 
> kudos & comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> title from half a heart by one direction (:


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